Refi Reveal

So we have been going out of our minds working to get everything we've ever wanted to do to our house done. We've done months worth of work in 5 days. There were breaks for church, school activities, basketball games, and of course, Valentine's Day. But none of those breaks were rest for me because I just spent my time thinking about what I needed to do. I really couldn't enjoy myself and that's not a good thing - ever.


We've been working like this because we are refinancing the house. It's a good deal for us but we didn't really have a huge interest rate to begin with. The only problem is that appraisals aren't what they used to be. The appraiser made it very clear what he was going to look for and that it wasn't going to be any different than an appraisal for a house that was going on the market next week. UGH! It's not that we have a problem with that... well, we do have a problem with that, after all, it's not like we are putting our house on the market next week. Actually, we are hoping that God would see us as permanent residents here just as we do. We don't see ourselves moving any time soon (I've said that before...). So we felt like we should just dive head first into everything and just finish it all now.


I have been painting for days on end. I love to paint - rooms that is. I will leave the artistic stuff to my friend Molly and my mom. But I am officially sick of it. One day I was painting over the marks left by the two bathroom mirrors that Michael ripped - literally - off the wall. There was much patching and sanding that evening and after hours of drying the wall could be painted in preparation for two beautiful framed mirrors just perfect for the room. I thought about that appraiser and all that he was going to be looking for. It's not like he's going to ask us to take those mirrors down to prove that the wall is in perfect condition behind the mirrors. Actually, he's going to assume that wall is perfect because it looks so good from in front of the mirror. The truth is that the wall is fine but even with two coats of paint you can still see the nine places where the drywall had to be fixed.

Those marks on the wall can be hidden from anyone who looks at the finished room. But we know the truth. Behind the beautiful mirrors now hanging above the sinks are walls with permanent damage. I wondered how many times I appeared like that to people. The reality is that I am very good at being "beautiful". Not beautiful as you and I may define it but "beautiful" in the sense that no one would know if there was anything "ugly" going on in my life.

No matter how hard anyone tries though, God knows. We can't hide it from Him. Just as Michael and I know the truth behind the mirrors, God knows the truth behind our smiles. It's rare that I have days like that. I've lived long enough that I put just about everything into perspective and rarely let things so alter my state of being that I have to fake a smile. But I know a lot of people who do. It's a sad thing. Either they don't feel secure enough in any of their relationships to let someone in, or they don't believe God knows their heart. Either way it's a tough road to walk. We can only hide our true selves for so long. Eventually God will reveal the truth to those around us. It's our job to not let it get to that point.