I'd stand in front of a train...

That's what a good friend told me when we were talking 22 years ago. She  had a toddler and was pregnant with her second. She said to me "Karen, I'd stand in front of a train for her". I couldn't relate, really. I had been trying to get pregnant to no avail, and needed someone to talk to. But, I didn't have that kind of love for anyone, not yet. I didn't even feel like that about MJF - after all, if anyone was standing in front of a train it was gonna be HIM for me... he's the man.

Sam is almost 18
He graduates May 2011

Drew is almost 21
He leaves for the Air Force
June 1, 2011

Today, well, I SO know what she meant. I've been given 5 opportunities to learn about what kind of love that is - between parent and child. (Rebekah Joy is living joyfully with her heavenly Father)

Josh is 13
He's the perfect mix
of Drew and Sam

 This is Kate, she's 9
she gets a big picture because
she's my baby and it's my blog

I would stand in front of a train for each and every one of these delightful creatures. And yet, they NEVER think about that. They probably realize, in the depths of their being, that I'd do anything for them; really, anything. But when they tell me they love me it's 

because...........  

Because I have done something that makes them feel...

happy

      blessed

             special

                    better

                           or because they just got what they wanted.

It's NEVER because I will stand in front of a train for them.

But it's ok, I'm the mom, it's my job to enable them to feel totally secure in my love even if they don't really KNOW why they are totally secure in my love. 

But on those days when we are joking or cuddling or just being affectionate and I hear this "I love you more" from one of them, I stop, hold their sweet face in my hands and say "No you don't, only when you hold your precious 1st born in your arms will you REALLY know how much I love you and how little in comparison you love me."

To be honest, they look at me with that little puppy-faced cocked head as if they haven't the slightest idea what I am saying or why I'd say such a thing. But they smile and assure me that I have no idea what I am talking about and insist they love me more.

Christ crucified.... for ME

I love you... more?  

Not even close. Standing in front of a train for me would have been more palatable. It would have been EASY.  NO, not only do I not know how to love Him MORE, I can't even begin to love Him equally. 

...My God, my God,
why have you forsaken me?

THIS IS WHY I LOVE HIM... 

yet that is not what I tell Him. I tell him I love Him because He makes me feel:

happy

   accepted

            special

                   rescued

                         safe

                            

           But it's only this week that I REMEMBER 

that's gotta change. 

Remember who was willing to stand in front of a train for you but instead was crucified - slaughtered - for you. And yet, that wasn't what He most dreaded - it was the wrath and separation from God that He most wanted to avoid and yet He said "Not my will, but yours, be done."

May your Easter be a happy one knowing He gave everything for you and yet the grave didn't hold him. 

HE IS RISEN, HE IS NOT HERE, JUST AS HE SAID!

REJOICE.....