Just let me have one more week...

I so want to enjoy one more week... 
     Usually I take down my decorations by now...
          Usually I am ready to move beyond the holiday...
               Usually I am tired of looking at, feeling, smelling 
                                         Christmas

This year I just want One More Week to bask in the glow of my Savior's birth...

Then I will pick myself back up and shake out the cobwebs and push forward into 2011. 


But, until then, one more week will taste as 
                                     sweet as honey.

Have yourself a Merry little Christmas...

Our biggest challenge this season is to put the focus on Christ, where it should be. And even more difficult is to put the focus on Easter within this Christmas celebration. After all, He was born to die and in dying gave us life.

I think this year I am going to ask my kids to share what they would do if they were kings and queens. I am sure that none of them would say

                       "become poor, live a life of great hardship, be restrained from being all that they have the power and authority to be, and then die in the most offensive manner for all to see for people who, even though they say they love you push you aside for the majority of their lives only to call on you when things don't go their way"...

 Perspective; something we clearly lack most of our days.

I pray that you and I change our perspective in 2011 and put our King on his throne.

Merry Christmas to you and a prayer for an exciting and Christ honoring New Year.

Karen

Who Inspires You?

So, Facebook changed my wall page again. I am pretty frustrated. Just when I was getting used to the old new one now there is a new new one. One addition to the Info page was "Who inspires you?" Mysteriously,  they don't allow you to just add any names you want, you have to add names it's database recognizes. So, unless it's someone like Tom Cruise or the Pope or John F. Kennedy, then you can't add a name.

Well, that just doesn't work for me. I'm not inspired by the people that we often see in front of our faces on the Theater Screen, TV screen, or in Magazines and Newspapers. I admire the people that live lives just like mine and yet manage to do or be or accomplish things that I think know are amazing because I live their lives and I fail miserably at what they are successful at. And all those successes are honorable, lovely, pure, and good.

(For example... my friend Karen: http://waistingaway.wordpress.com/author/pinkcamojeep/ )

When we lived in Charleston, SC we went, one year, to the Air Show at the Air Base there. I watched as the Blue Angels flew those planes at speeds that I can't comprehend and although I know they were yards apart, to me they seemed inches from colliding. At that time Michael Jordan was "all that" and I remember thinking to myself, "Why do people make such a fuss about Michael Jordan when these are the guys who should be paid the big bucks and held in high esteem."  After all, those guys not only entertain us but they would drop everything to protect our country; with their lives if necessary.

I am inspired by a little girl who, days before her 4th birthday, laid stone still in the dentist's chair while the profusely perspiring dentist had to pull one of her front teeth because it had been damaged by a fall. All the while the hygienists and I, her mom, held back tears as we watched her tears stream down the outside of her eyes and down the sides of her face. Then, only 6 months later, this same precious little gift from God held back perfectly acceptable screams of pain and terror as she was sedated in order to remove her left pinky toe because she got too close to the weight machines her brothers and father were working out on. To this day (5 years later) I am amazed at the bravery such a little girl had within her and I still see this bravery solidly a part of her. And I wonder, in the depths of my being, why God felt the need to create such a strength in her. And I prepare myself for what I can only imagine will be the molding and shaping of my only living daughter.

I am inspired by two sisters-in-law. They have nothing in common except... CANCER. One ovarian and one breast. One had to undergo a year's worth of Chemo, twice in 5 years, and in spite of losing her hair and being sick as a dog, she didn't let the lack of complete healing deter her. She picked herself up and chose to find another avenue. Today she is a Master Chef with one of the premier Raw Food and Natural Healing organizations in the world. She is starting her own business and teaching others how to prepare their foods more naturally and what to look for in foods that might be dangerous to our bodies.

The other was blessed to have her cancer discovered before it was necessary for advanced treatments. She still had to have radical surgery and her recovery wasn't easy. Just a few years have gone by and she has recently finished her first half-marathon... at 50.

I am inspired by a friend who struggled for a couple years not knowing how to convince her husband that she was trustworthy. Month after month he pulled away and no matter how much she tried to love him he saw just the opposite. And day after day she prayed. On her knees, on her face, crying to God for answers, for guidance...not to change him but to change her. And week after week I sat amazed as she would tell me of her pursuits of holiness, of patience, of striving for the marriage she knew was there but seemed unreachable. And then, one day, out of the blue, he got it. A year later we still can't understand what happened, what led him to realize he had bliss sharing the same home with him but he did and so we say... It's just a God thing.

These are just a few of the people that inspire me. They have names like Kate and Pam and Na and Sandy and Karen and if I gave you their last names most of them would be unrecognizable to you. Facebook wouldn't let me enter them because their names are meaningless to those who programmed it's database. But, honestly, that's OK because they wouldn't be appreciated for who they are.

 But to me: They make me hang on, dive in, and look up.  

... and Toto, too.

if I ever

go looking

 for my heart's desire again, 

I won't look any further than my own backyard.

Because if it isn't there, 

I never really lost it to begin with. (Dorothy, Wizard of Oz)

Please don't hold it against me.

I have to be honest, I am a Calvinist. And before you stop gasping, there's more... I'm a 5 pointer. I'm not writing this to invite anyone to explain why I shouldn't be or how mistaken I am or what scripture I'm ignoring to bring me to this conclusion. It took 15 years to come to this realization and there's nothing that is going to change my perspective.

 I am writing this because I realized something about myself while reading in my quiet time this morning...that there is no way I would have come to Christ on my own. I would have thought He was a bit over the top for me. While reading Luke 10:21-24, I realized I'd have been one of those who would have shied away from him, assuming there was at least one or two who hung with him for awhile until he got to be "too spiritual" for them. Actually the more I read, the more I learn, the more I hear from others the more I realize that my coming to Christ would have been impossible for me, in my sinful state, to do. I am way too all about myself to succumb to and submit to all that Christ demands of me as his disciple.

It was almost scary reading that scripture, I'd not seen before what I saw this morning. I imagined Jesus having a serious but subdued conversation with his special ones, telling them what authority they had when they needed it and then, suddenly he breaks loose in this over the top praise and worship time toward heaven. Nope, there is no way I would have hung around for that. It would have embarrassed me. I would have quietly escaped unnoticed - hopefully. It was at the moment I read that that the heat was put to the wax and sealed for me what I have known for years. I, Karen Farhart, in my sinful, selfish, me-focused state, could never have chosen on my own to submit to the Lordship of Jesus Christ. E.V.E.R.

I am glad for that shock. Going to a Southern Baptist Church these days, the "old guard" don't like people like me. Some think I am part of a big problem because many of the younger SBC Seminary grads are coming out of school Calvinists. I can't quite figure out why it's such a scary thought though. Do they really think that the average Calvinist would end missions? I mean really... Calvinism doesn't supersede Scripture and God's Word is very clear on where we go and what we do. I know some on the extreme would consider it but generally the extreme don't end up in the SBC sanctuary.

I think a Calvinist has a phenomenal understanding and thorough grasp of God's Sovereignty. If we don't believe we can accomplish anything apart from Him, especially our salvation, then it's easy to rest in His arms regardless of how questionable our circumstances.

I needed that reminder, the image of a naked, undeserving me, having nothing to offer and yet the God of the Universe reached down His invisible hand of Salvation and grabbed me with a vice grip and brought me into His Everlasting Kingdom. For that I am eternally grateful and will never be able to serve, honor, glorify Him enough.

And that leads me into another gut-wrenching topic for another day... can I, as a "blessed" American, really serve, honor, glorify Him at all? And if I can, what does that look like? That is an issue that is eating away at me like a vulture picks away at the dead prey left for him to endlessly nibble on.

So yes, I'm a Calvinist, I am out of the closet and although I am way beyond wearing it as a badge of honor, (although, to be honest, I am dying to buy one of those nifty TULIP T-shirts) I will confidently admit to it if I am "caught" in conversation. Please don't hold it against me, love me in spite of it.

...like a flower in a compost pile.

This is how I have felt lately... I found this flower growing in my compost pile. Flowers aren't supposed to grow in proper compost piles. What does that tell you about mine? I have all kinds of excellent intentions but I rarely carry them out to the proper conclusion. So, even my compost pile is ineffective.

But, still, it's filled with our garden cast-offs, cut grass, and sticks and leaves that have dried out and need to be put somewhere. There's not enough decomposition going on so it's just a pile of outdoor trash. But somewhere in the pile was exactly what was needed to grow these morning glories. From the depths of a pile of junk something pretty, albeit not unique or special, grew up and out for me, and anyone else to see.

I feel like this because I know the truth about who I am. I am disappointed in who I am, I think I always will be. I do know though that because Christ lives in me there is something beautiful that is growing somewhere in the depths of my being. I would just like to see it. I would just like to, one day, feel adequate to be the mother of my kids, the wife to my husband, the child of my Lord. Maybe it's just as well. So often we get to thinking we are "all that" and screw everything God has worked so hard for (in us) up. I guess the important thing is that we realize WHO we are here for, WHOSE work we should be about, and WHERE we are headed. If we are too happy here, as aliens and strangers, we miss it and lose our Kingdom vision.

Or maybe that's what I tell myself to make myself feel better. I don't know that, right now, I have anything to say or to think or to feel that will make me change my focus or adjust so that I see things about myself any differently. I guess it's just that time in life, some call it a mid-life crisis, some others may call it introspection, I just call it a whole lot of disappointing confusion about who I am and what I'm doing. No, it's not one of those "I have to find myself" events. Geezzz, shoot me if I ever speak those words. But I do find myself struggling as I view my life the way God must see it and wonder if He's even remotely happy with me.

Maybe that's the O.N.E. thing He is happy about... that I am not complacent, not satisfied in myself, not so sure of myself that I think I have it all together. Maybe by going through this time of questioning He knows I will come out on the other side more like the mom, wife, woman of God, He wants me to be. Maybe the one thing I have to come away with is not just realizing that I feel like that flower in the compost pile but here on earth I AM that flower in the compost pile of sin and decay. Maybe what I need to be reflecting on is how to practically live amidst the compost and be seen and enjoyed in order to bring HIM glory.

I am not sure how to do that. I am not sure... well... about any of that in today's culture and economic climate.

But I do know this. He will never leave me or forsake me (Josh 1:5). I am His masterpiece and He prepared things for me to do, I must not be worthless to Him (Eph 2:10). I must be able, with His Holy Spirit to accomplish those works.  And if He chose me before the foundation of the world (Eph 1:4), He certainly knew the kinds of ups and downs I'd have. He surely was prepared for my inability to do what He really wants me to do. He surely realized that I'd get caught up in this American Dream and complacency of this American Christianity. Yes, I believe He is not at all caught by surprise.

I am though...

The joy of cockroaches...

The most important person in my life isn't here... she's far away. And I haven't seen her in years. Maybe 18 years. I would give a lot to be even an hour away. I think I'd get insight and advice and encouragement from her that I'd want to drink in daily like the MacAlister's  unsweetened tea that used to have me in it's grip.

She's important to me because, through her blog... the most beautiful blog I've ever seen (http://waistingaway.wordpress.com/2010/10/21/roaches-make-me-happy/#comment-876) I have lived her life, or as much of it as she'd let me. And I've realized a lot of things about me - good and bad. I admire her in more ways than I've admired almost anyone in all my 47 years of life.

Ironically, her name is Karen, too. But right now, at this very moment in time, except for knowing completely the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ, there is little else we share. A year or two ago there were a lot of things that we could discuss that we'd laugh about and realize the commonality in all of it. But her world has since been turned upside down and well only I am upside down. Interestingly, I get the impression that in spite of her world she is anything but upside down; she's standing firmly on her own two feet.

I know, if she were to comment on any of this she would remind me that it's not her that is standing so firmly but the Holy Spirit in her which is all the more reason that she is important to me. When I read what she writes I know that everything about her is focused on Christ. I know that the perspective she takes daily is because Christ lives in her and I know that she lives an "in spite of" life because she has an eternal perspective that has left her free of the hindered life. She has walked through the narrow gate and down the narrow road and although I know that there were times she was teetering on the edge, she persevered and has since found her balance and no longer looks to the left or to the right but straight into the eyes of Jesus.

She has encouraged me in more ways than time allows me to say. One thing though, I am taking more pictures. She is a masterful photog and I marvel at her work. I can produce occasionally good pictures of my kids and the shocking "Wow, that picture turned out pretty good" photograph once or twice a year, but she... well, she's amazing. And she's artsy-craftsy, in the way I wish I was. She's made me want to have pictures of things that bring me joy on my hard drive just to have around "in case". So I spent my very early morning taking pictures of stuff that may be meaningless to you but not so much to me. Or pictures that I know I will want to place strategically in my future blog posts.

I hope she sees my adding more pictures to my blog as a compliment to her and not as "copying". Nah, she won't even consider it from a negative perspective... I think she'll be happy for me that I am storing pictures away to bring me joy later. I think she will be really happy to know that what she thinks are her simple words about her struggles with life, the joys, the pain, the adventures, the inconveniences, all give me in a very odd way, a glimmer of hope that when all is said and done I too will wake up one morning and be able to find happiness in cockroaches.